When
my oldest was eighteen months old we were in a local super center doing
some shopping. An elderly couple was not far from us and could hear
the tantrum my son was having. At this point my husband and I did not
know that he had Asperger’s Syndrome or bi-polar disorder.
The
couple hearing his tantrum said something to the effect of, “Oh, my
gosh. How can those parents just let him act that way? It is no way
for a four year old to act. They need to just spank him.” My oldest
has always looked older than he is; he is ten now and stands five feet
three inches tall. I turned to the lady and said, “I heard every word
you just said. I find it beyond offensive that you think that my almost
two year old should behave any different. It is wrong of you to pass
judgment on him when you don’t even know him.” She was shocked that he
was so young, even asked to see proof, and expressed that she felt
ashamed.
This
is just one example of the misunderstanding people have of children
that they don’t take care of. The Mayo Clinic describes it best like
this; Asperger's
syndrome can be a difficult, lonely disorder — both for affected
children and their parents. The disorder brings difficulties socializing
and communicating with your child. It may also mean fewer play dates
and birthday invitations and more stares at the grocery store from
people who don't understand that a child's meltdown is part of a
disability, not the result of "bad parenting." (Staff, 2010)
I,
myself, have seen this misunderstanding in my extended family as well.
My boys are two of four boys that are being treated for Asperger’s
Syndrome. Not all of the family has shown an interest in knowing how to
interact or understand these children. The Mayo Clinic has this to say
about how you can help others help your child, Most
children with Asperger's syndrome have no visible sign of disability,
so you may need to alert coaches, relatives and other adults to your
child's special needs. Otherwise, a well-meaning coach may spend time
lecturing your child on "looking at me while I'm talking" — something
that can be very difficult for a child with Asperger's syndrome. (Staff,
2010)
Most
importantly is to always remember that you are the voice and advocate
for your child. The more you know about their special needs the better
you are at teaching others to understand them. For instance, most
children when they see another child get hurt they ask if they are okay
and then get help. Not an Asperger’s child, that notion never enters
their mind that there could be a problem or a need for an emergency. I
remember when my oldest was younger and we were at a family camp out, he
was playing near the adults with his cousin and the cousin’s dog. His
cousin ended up wrapping the dog’s plastic coated wire lead around his
neck. My son had enough thought to put his fingers between the lead and
his cousin’s neck but neither boy thought that this could be a bad
idea. There were adults that saw what was going on and were able to get
to the boys before anyone got hurt but, the lecture that was given
afterwards was lost on the boys and we really didn’t know why at the
time. Now we know that both boys have Asperger’s Syndrome.
I
have learned to be more objective when it comes to kids I see at the
grocery store, church, playground, etc. One of those kids might have a
hidden issue that I don’t know about. Knowing what I know about how I
felt when judgment was passed on my son, and knowing that he has hidden
issues, the last thing I want is to be like that elderly lady in the
super center all those years ago. Sometimes it is not the parents
fault. Be kind and understanding, because let’s face it, we don’t
always know the situation.
Staff, M. C. (2010, Nov 18). Asperger's Syndrome: Coping and Support. Retrieved from Mayo Clinic: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/aspergers-syndrome/DS00551/DSECTION=coping-and-support
