I am a mother of four children. I want to talk about them individually for a moment so that our overall family structure becomes more clear. That is my hope anyway.
The oldest is my husband's daughter who is now 19 years old and is from his first marriage (which tests my loving heart at times). She has been diagnosed with BiPolar Disorder and ADHD. These diagnoses came at age eight. Though my step-daughter no longer lives with us, we are still loving hearts. This is not always an easy task, for far too many reasons to list.
My oldest son who is now 12 years old has received diagnoses for BiPolar Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder manifesting as Asperger’s Syndrome, and ADHD. He was first diagnosed at age nine. We have dealt with several issues from having to go into a behavioral hospital, to doing chores without a meltdown or deciding if we want to medicate the ADHD and risk the mood swings of the BiPolar to get out of control.
My second son is six years old and has received diagnoses for Autism Spectrum Disorder manifesting as Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD, a developmental delay as well as a mild retardation. He was diagnosed at age three. Right now we don't have too many issues with him, as he is the 'go with the flow' type of child.
My husband and I just adopted our youngest son who is now 3-months old. He has no diagnoses at this time. We love him like our own and are working with our older boys to accept and love him as well. This is a fairly easy task for them because we have talked about him since before he was born and he is just too cute not to love.
That is how our family looks on paper and believe me in person we can be VERY chaotic and scary to look at.
The oldest is my husband's daughter who is now 19 years old and is from his first marriage (which tests my loving heart at times). She has been diagnosed with BiPolar Disorder and ADHD. These diagnoses came at age eight. Though my step-daughter no longer lives with us, we are still loving hearts. This is not always an easy task, for far too many reasons to list.
My oldest son who is now 12 years old has received diagnoses for BiPolar Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder manifesting as Asperger’s Syndrome, and ADHD. He was first diagnosed at age nine. We have dealt with several issues from having to go into a behavioral hospital, to doing chores without a meltdown or deciding if we want to medicate the ADHD and risk the mood swings of the BiPolar to get out of control.
My second son is six years old and has received diagnoses for Autism Spectrum Disorder manifesting as Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD, a developmental delay as well as a mild retardation. He was diagnosed at age three. Right now we don't have too many issues with him, as he is the 'go with the flow' type of child.
My husband and I just adopted our youngest son who is now 3-months old. He has no diagnoses at this time. We love him like our own and are working with our older boys to accept and love him as well. This is a fairly easy task for them because we have talked about him since before he was born and he is just too cute not to love.
That is how our family looks on paper and believe me in person we can be VERY chaotic and scary to look at.
There are days when I really ask myself if I
am strong enough to be the mother of my sons.
Some days I feel like a failure and wonder what I did wrong. Was it something I did while I was pregnant,
or maybe it was something I did not do? Then I
talk to my son’s counselor and she reminds me that I am not the only one
struggling. My boys struggle, too! It is not easy for them, they want to be loved and to show me that they love me, but we all are lost as to how best to accomplish this. I talk to my friends and they also remind me to look at the good days - the days when my boys want me to give them hugs and allow me to show them that I do, indeed, love them.
More than once I have been asked how I do it? How do I go each day with screams in the face because the six year old had to wash his hands, or be told "I HATE you! I want to run away and die!" because the 12 year old was asked to empty the dishwasher. The truth is, I don't know, I just do. I put one foot in front of the other and cross one bridge at a time. My husband and I stay closely involved with the teachers, counselors, PSR workers, and doctors that are on what I call, The Team. Together we help each other help my boys.
It is not always an easy job of being a loving heart. The good days certainly do outweigh the bad. You need to have plenty of people around you to remind you of your own self-worth so that when those bad days do come around, and trust me, they will, you will have the strength to remember you have a loving heart. On more than one occasion I have been told by others, "It takes a special kind of person to be a mother of a special needs child and the Lord must think you are even more special because you have two." All in all I take one day, one meltdown at a time and stay active in the upbringing of my boys.
More than once I have been asked how I do it? How do I go each day with screams in the face because the six year old had to wash his hands, or be told "I HATE you! I want to run away and die!" because the 12 year old was asked to empty the dishwasher. The truth is, I don't know, I just do. I put one foot in front of the other and cross one bridge at a time. My husband and I stay closely involved with the teachers, counselors, PSR workers, and doctors that are on what I call, The Team. Together we help each other help my boys.
It is not always an easy job of being a loving heart. The good days certainly do outweigh the bad. You need to have plenty of people around you to remind you of your own self-worth so that when those bad days do come around, and trust me, they will, you will have the strength to remember you have a loving heart. On more than one occasion I have been told by others, "It takes a special kind of person to be a mother of a special needs child and the Lord must think you are even more special because you have two." All in all I take one day, one meltdown at a time and stay active in the upbringing of my boys.
I love my gifted minds and love being a loving heart. I just need to be reminded of whom and what I choose to love sometimes.
