B is for BELIEF

    For many people, BELIEF is a central (if not the central) idea for their family.  It is the core foundation in how the family operates and functions.  This is so true in our family.  What is BELIEF and how does it apply to a Gifted Mind?

    The dictionary defines it as such:

be·lief

noun\bə-ˈlēf\

     : a feeling of being sure that someone or something exists or that something is true

    : a feeling that something is good, right, or valuable

      : a feeling of trust in the worth or ability of someone

    It doesn't matter if you are a religious person or if you just have a loving family, BELIEF should be something of a fundamental lesson for our children, especially a Gifted Mind.  Our children have to see that we as Loving Hearts have a BELIEF in all that we do.

    Our BELIEF can be as simple as just believing in our children.  BELIEF is BELIEF.

A is for Appreciation

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines APPRECIATION as this:

ap·pre·ci·a·tion

 noun \ə-ˌprē-shē-ˈā-shən, -ˌpri- also -ˌprē-sē-\

: a feeling of being grateful for something

: an ability to understand the worth, quality, or importance of something : an ability to appreciate something

: full awareness or understanding of something

    I would like to focus on the second definition and how it pertains to my oldest Gifted Minded son.

    As I have stated in my previous post, I have three boys with the oldest being 12 and the youngest only 3 months.  My oldest is really the only one that can truly grasp this word, its meaning, and then apply it to his life; thus more fully understanding what it means to appreciate something, whether he knows it or not.

    There are days when his diagnoses drive his life and days where he drives them.  It is never the same diagnoses piloting each day.  If he is being driven by his ADHD, he will be unfocused, fidgety, hyper, and all over the place.  If his BiPolar is the pilot, then you will see his behavior and mindset go from severe depression to the point of thoughts of suicide or you will see tiredness.  Lastly, the diagnoses that can also pilot him is Asperger’s.  With this one, you will see agitation to loud noises, solidarity, and severe hyper-focusing on one specific topic at a time.  It is a long process of teaching him how to drive the diagnoses.  On his good days he does very well.  With that being said I feel I can best explain how my son has learned APPRECIATION.

    In June of 2013, my mother lost her battle with lung cancer and passed away.  I had to tell this son of mine the news.  He was the closest of my three boys to my mom as I made sure that he (and I, and his brothers) spent as much time with her as I possibly could given the distance of travel required between our respective homes.  

    Even before he was diagnosed, she would give me words of encouragement and remind me he was a person with feelings.  My mother never treated him as though he were troubled or unruly. 

    When I first told him, he had the ‘normal’ response you would expect from a child and he cried.  The questions that followed were ones including:  “So, when can I visit her again?” and “Can I call her and talk to her?”

    So then, of course, you explain the no’s of it all and explain that the memories you have are how you get to visit.  You teach the value of your memories and then you use the word APPRECIATION in context by saying, “Every moment you get to spend with someone you love you create a memory of that person so if you lose them you gain an APPRECIATION of all the moments you spent with them and the life that they lived.”

I have a tile with vinyl lettering on it that sits in my living room for our guests to see and it says this:

Dealing With A Loving Heart

I am a mother of four children.  I want to talk about them individually for a moment so that our overall family structure becomes more clear.  That is my hope anyway. 

The oldest is my husband's daughter who is now 19 years old and is from his first marriage (which tests my loving heart at times).  She has been diagnosed with BiPolar Disorder and ADHD.  These diagnoses came at age eight.  Though my step-daughter no longer lives with us, we are still loving hearts.  This is not always an easy task, for far too many reasons to list.

My oldest son who is now 12 years old has received diagnoses for BiPolar Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder manifesting as Asperger’s Syndrome, and ADHD.  He was first diagnosed at age nine.  We have dealt with several issues from having to go into a behavioral hospital, to doing chores without a meltdown or deciding if we want to medicate the ADHD and risk the mood swings of the BiPolar to get out of control.

My second son is six years old and has received diagnoses for  Autism Spectrum Disorder manifesting as Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD, a developmental delay as well as a mild retardation.  He was diagnosed at age three.  Right now we don't have too many issues with him, as he is the 'go with the flow' type of child.

My husband and I just adopted our youngest son who is now 3-months old.  He has no diagnoses at this time.  We love him like our own and are working with our older boys to accept and love him as well. This is a fairly easy task for them because we have talked about him since before he was born and he is just too cute not to love.

That is how our family looks on paper and believe me in person we can be VERY chaotic and scary to look at.

There are days when I really ask myself if I am strong enough to be the mother of my sons.  Some days I feel like a failure and wonder what I did wrong.  Was it something I did while I was pregnant, or maybe it was something I did not do?  Then I talk to my son’s counselor and she reminds me that I am not the only one struggling.  My boys struggle, too!  It is not easy for them, they want to be loved and to show me that they love me, but we all are lost as to how best to accomplish this.  I talk to my friends and they also remind me to look at the good days - the days when my boys want me to give them hugs and allow me to show them that I do, indeed, love them. 

More than once I have been asked how I do it?  How do I go each day with screams in the face because the six year old had to wash his hands, or be told "I HATE you!  I want to run away and die!" because the 12 year old was asked to empty the dishwasher.  The truth is, I don't know, I just do.  I put one foot in front of the other and cross one bridge at a time.  My husband and I stay closely involved with the teachers, counselors, PSR workers, and doctors that are on what I call, The Team.  Together we help each other help my boys.

It is not always an easy job of being a loving heart.  The good days certainly do outweigh the bad.  You need to have plenty of people around you to remind you of your own self-worth so that when those bad days do come around, and trust me, they will, you will have the strength to remember you have a loving heart.  On more than one occasion I have been told by others, "It takes a special kind of person to be a mother of a special needs child and the Lord must think you are even more special because you have two."  All in all I take one day, one meltdown at a time and stay active in the upbringing of my boys.

I love my gifted minds and love being a loving heart.  I just need to be reminded of whom and what I choose to love sometimes.